'This is such a rude cash grab': Birthday party host insists guest pay for gift for party they didn't attend

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Jun 17, 2023 11:00 AM EDT

Ax throwing is such a fun activity, it's no wonder the person in this tale decided to host a birthday party there. 

If you've never done ax throwing before, it's about as simple as it sounds. You show up to the location, get your own lane to throw axes down, and then an instructor teaches you the proper throwing techniques. You can learn to throw axes in just a few minutes, and then you have quite some time to spend trying to hit targets, pop balloons, or play other target-practice games. 

The host of the party made a Facebook event to invite his guests, and the OP of this story, u/Pizza_Salesman, RSVP'd "yes" to the party. But then, like many of us who barely use Facebook, the OP totally forgot about this guy's birthday shindig. That's awkward enough on it's own, but then the host decided to send an invoice of sorts to the people who were no-shows. 

Scroll down to read the entire story, then check out this story of a waiter who stopped some dine and dashers in their tracks. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 9774831360
    via Pepi Stojanovski on Unsplash
  • 02
    Font - r/AmItheA u/Pizza_Salesman . Posted by WIBTA if I don't pay a contribution to an event I didn't show up for? I was invited to a friend's birthday event on Facebook a while back, but I almost entirely don't use the platform. I said I was going, and at the time, my situation was different. I've since unexpectedly been out of work for several weeks and feel financially insecure. I have not logged into Facebook once since marking "yes" to the event, which has now passed.
    via u/Pizza_Salesman
  • 03
    Font - When the event happened, I was out of town and had entirely forgotten about it. The event organizer is collecting funds from everyone who marked that they were attending because there were more no-shows than expected, and they reserved the space based on how many people responded that they were attending.
    via u/Pizza_Salesman
  • 04
    Font - The amount I'm being asked for feels steep to me (honestly, I wouldn't expect to pay that much if I had booked it solo for an hour), but I'm not sure what the etiquette is for something like this. I'm a little bit of a disorganized person (ashamedly) and because I don't use Facebook, I did not prioritize the event without reminders. I likely would have also chosen not to RSVP if I knew the price up front.
    via u/Pizza_Salesman
  • 05
    Human body - WIBTA if I chose not to pay for the event? What would be the right way to handle this?
    via u/Pizza_Salesman
  • 06
    Font - tacodorifto A Esh Aficionado [12] You did not update your rsvp. Yta Organizer did not post pricing. They are the A Im sorry but you are a grown adult. If plans change then update people. If i cancel last minute i pay my share. I also expect others to do the same. Its hard being the ganizer. Attendees have responsibilities, but so do organizers.
    via u/tacodorifto
  • 07
    Font - R3dmund Enthusiast [7] A NTA. Coming to someone after an event and asking for money, whether they showed up or not, is wrong. There can be no reasonable expectation of someone paying for something after the fact if there was no agreed upon price prior to said event. The proper way for the organizer to do this would have been to ask for the money at the time of the RSVP, not after.
    via u/R3dmund
  • 08
    Font - teresajs Sultan of Sphincter [704] INFO Were you told that you would need to pay when you were invited? Were you told the price to attend up front? Were you informed that the costs would be non- refundable? If not, then you aren't the a
    via u/teresajs
  • 09
    Font - Pizza_Salesman OP. I logged in just to double-check and besides the location, time, and date, there were no other details (and certainly nothing signifying the price). How would one respond? The funds are collected by a friend's S.O., and I'd feel awkward ghosting because it could hurt a friendship
    via u/Pizza_Salesman
  • 10
    Font - teresajs Sultan of Sphincte... "Unfortunately, I forgot about this event and was double-booked so I missed it. However, there was no mention of guests being expected to pay, nor any mention of costs on the invitation. I never agreed to pay to attend this event, and am not responsible for the costs of the party."
    via u/teresajs
  • 11
    Font - Capable_Fig3903. A Enthusiast [5] YWNBTA You have to pay IF the price was agreed upon when you answered the RSVP. And only THAT much.
    via u/Capable_Fig3903
  • 12
    Font - SlinkyMalinky20 Certified Proctologist [22] This is such a rude cash grab by the people "hosting the event", I wouldn't worry about any potential gray area of rudeness resulting from your not updating a Facebook thing.
    via u/SlinkyMalinky20
  • 13
    Font - JLineman09 A ΝΤΑ Aficionado [11] BUT, you did RSVP, to me thats a game changer. BUT, you were not told of a financial expectation up front. Just curious, what type of event was it?
    via u/JLineman09
  • 14
    Font - Pizza_Salesman OP. axe-throwing. I think I learned a lesson that because I don't use Facebook, i should not respond to events on the rare times i open it. I'm too dependent on reminders and too disorganized to trust that I'll follow through... And i open my Facebook maybe once every two months or so, usually for some specific reason
    via u/Pizza_Salesman
  • 15
    Font - stormoverparis Enthusiast [7] YWNBTA only if the event stated that A everyone would need to pay a specific price would you be in the wrong here. It sucks but it's unreasonable to just front the cost on you like this without those specific details disclosed. If they were that much a stickler for the cost of it, they should state the overall price people would need to pay or be splitting and saying that if you RVSP yes then due to the reservation then if something were to happen they would
    via u/stormoverparis
  • 16
    Font - DesertSong-LaLa. Pooperintendant [68] YTA - You committed to attend and pay. You did not change this status despite having a change in finances which should have been a big motivator. If you cancelled this fee would be a non issue. Reimburse what you can otherwise the organizer is stuck with your confirmed attendance fee. They should not have to pay for your lack of communication/follow through. -92 Share
    via u/DesertSong-LaLa

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